Help My Unbelief
I guess people could say that I’m one of those people that are just crazy about Jesus. I know I couldn’t make it a day without Him. I’m not this super spiritual person that does everything right though. I definitely fall short daily and even wonder how God could love someone like me with all my short comings.
One morning I woke up and found this in my notes on my phone. I must have written it while I was asleep. I’m a crazy sleeper too….I’m all over the place and sometimes don’t rest very well.
I wrote, “Why is it so easy to doubt…and so hard to believe? I know I have changed.”
I started crying when I read this. It’s not that I think of myself of doubting God but maybe people would look at it like I am. But I doubt myself and that God would want to even use me. I doubt people would listen to me. I doubt that I can even begin to make a difference with my life. It scares me of living in the normal routine not doing what God wants me to do but doing what I find comfortable. I’m afraid I would choose the comfortable over what God would have me do.
I believe everything is going to work out in the end following God, but I doubt the process of the journey. I’m scared I’m going to make a mistake and it could never be right again. Have you ever been there too?
I think the reason why I wrote, “I know I have changed” is because now the struggle is real. Now that I’m no longer living with my parents, I’m another world away, and that in itself will change anyone. I’m not going to lie, being in a different country brings its own daily struggles as well. I don’t think this is a bad thing but what I was feeling this night, I know I’ve changed to where nothing will be the same anymore. I know I’ve changed in the sense of it’s harder to believe because my doubt has grown.
This is honestly hard to write. As Christians or non-Christians, we always want to read uplifting scriptures and things that make you keep striving day to day. Sometimes though you have to just be real and raw, and I’m being real and raw with you all to let people know that it’s not always easy for me either. I don’t understand everything. I believe God has torn me down tonight to get rid of doubt so I can look up again. For God to be able to take this doubt away – we first have to recognize that it’s there and ask Him for help.
I read this and it started shining light on my problem. “We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” -C. S. Lewis
My mind started racing after I read that quote. The best thing that ever happened in human History was absolutely the worst thing that had to ever be done – and that was God giving His only Son to watch Him be crucified. Knowing the pain and the torture He had to go through and then Jesus going through that doing no wrong Himself, is just unthinkable.
Maybe you’re going through things you doubt in your mind, you doubt in your life, or even question if it’s God or if it’s you. You’re not alone! Tonight I pray that God will help our unbelief. I know He has turned my darkness into dawn. He has already overcome this world and one day I will look back and see how He guided me. You will look back one day and see where God has guided you too.
We have to immerse ourselves in the Word of Truth for it brings light to all the shadows of darkness. My crazy little self doesn’t need to doubt anymore. I have seen God move, I have heard God speak too many times to know He never fails. We need to untie the knot of doubt to stretch our belief.
God, I believe. But help my unbelief. Amen.