As I look out my window, I watch the pigeons, quite comically, twitch their heads back and forth at one another. I watch the flying squirrel leap for his little home in the banana tree leaves. I watch motorcycles going by here and there down the soi delivering food. It looks like such a peaceful morning from where I am sitting. A pretty picture of a city. Maybe that’s how it looked too – many years ago…
I can’t help but think back in time and imagine what it was like during the reign of the Nazis. History repeats itself if we don’t acknowledge how it happened and learn from it. I know Nazis aren’t marching up and down the streets and I’m not hiding because I am a Jew. But I sit here locked up, devastated from the news that was just announced. Another lockdown in order. Red zone. And it keeps changing daily.
I see streets that once were crowded with people walking shoulder to shoulder, completely empty. I see twelve story malls once filled with hustle and bustle, completely abandoned. I see Universities and Schools that I once taught in now silenced with only the sound of the flag waving in the wind. I walked through airports with not one person in sight and only the echo of my own footsteps. All these people, millions of people, thousands of families, without a job.
It’s a war. It’s a war without guns. It’s a war with starvation. It’s a war without smoke. It’s a war with no jobs. It’s a war without bombs. It’s a war of people dying for no cause. It’s a war of survival. Only in this war you cannot even see the enemy. It’s in the wind and you cannot stop it. It’s within the media and you cannot shut it off. This war is also in your mind and it’s hard to fight it day after day.
Just when you think things are getting better, they take a turn for the worse. I can’t even put into words how I feel at this very moment. In America, 2020, we went through a lot. We did our part of quarantine and social distancing. It was hard mentally on me and a lot of people more than we realized. Slipping back into it scares me.
I have to realize that I am not alone. I am not the only one who is scared. I am not the only one fighting a battle from within. I am not the only one locked up. I am not the only one on my knees begging God for hope. I am not the only one who doesn’t know where to turn or what to even do next. I am not the only one whose life has changed and is affected by COVID-19.
I know the first thing that’s going to come to everyone’s mind – “What is she going to do now?” I’m going to pray.
Instead of thriving, we’re surviving. I know everyone wants to live on the mountain top, but all the happiness and growth occurs while climbing it. Instead of praying for the mountain to be moved, we have to pray for God to help us to start climbing.
That’s what I’m going to be doing. Climbing my mountain. One day at a time. Hoping I can help someone climb theirs too.