Two Years Ago…

Found this in my journal from two years ago.

“Tonight is just one of those nights. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear one more time how I need to ‘wait, but it will be worth it.’ This month I’ll be 25. A time where I thought I would already be catching my baby as it takes it’s first steps or running to the store for the 15th time because I have a family to feed. But nope. Nope. Here I am. On Main Street sitting beside my parents!! Eating ice cream on a Friday night. I’m sitting here watching 16 year olds walk by holding hands while I’m wishing I could have gotten another scoop of ice cream and the calories wouldn’t count. I know I’m sulking. But I want to. I feel like it. I’m tired of being strong. I’m tired of ‘fake it till you make it’ type of life. Life isn’t all smiles even while eating ice cream. At least not for me at this point. Good ice cream though. Almond joy is my favorite.”

Fast forward 2 years and now this month I’ll be turning 27!

“Reading this I laughed at myself. I can be pretty dramatic. I was having a quarter life crisis. But also I’m realistic and honest. Although I am still single and in the same boat wishing calories didn’t count, my perspective has changed in life. I’ve been through a lot of different ups and downs personally that I didn’t expect in the past two years, but I can honestly say the future is bright and it’s the Lord who has helped change me!

I have learned that the only way for Him to help you out of a situation or way of thinking is to first invite Him into it.

I joined this seminar and the speaker asked, “What happens if the thing you want the most in life doesn’t happen? How terrible would your life really be?”

I paused that seminar. There ain’t no way I’m going to accept that! I didn’t want to think about my life in that way. I said in my mind, “Lord, the scripture says that you will give us the desire of our hearts. That you only give us good things. Not that I’ve been given a bad thing, but why would I be given nothing?”

(Ummm…has He really given me nothing? Lol)

Thinking this way and praying for a week I fought it. It was a battle between the flesh and the spirit for sure because that’s what the Lord wanted – surrender. Not my way – His way. I just felt like this question was too much to ask of me. But it played over and over again in my mind. “What happens if the thing you want the most in life doesn’t happen? How terrible would your life really be?”

I still want to get married and have a family more than anything so don’t get me wrong. But my perspective has changed. It already hasn’t happened in my timing at all. But if it never happened, would I sulk my entire life away that it never happened? Is that what God would want me to do with the life He has given me? No, He wouldn’t want that for me or for you.

When you get the focus off of yourself and onto Jesus – your life begins to make a lot more sense.

I started looking at all the blessings He has blessed me with and it makes me want to jump up with joy every morning! I have my own 501(c)(3) Mission organization – Least of These Ministries. I have lived abroad and done mission work by myself in a country learning the language. I am a Teacher without a degree. I learned how to drive a scooter in Bangkok traffic. I can fry an egg now! Lol I have published a book and am in the process of publishing a children’s series. What more could I truly ask for? If this is the way God has blessed me so far, I can’t even begin to comprehend the future and what He is going to do!

There are days where it’s hard. I get that. But I want to encourage you, if you are praying for something specifically and it hasn’t happened yet – don’t let it ruin your Friday night ice cream! Ask yourself – “How terrible would my life really be if I didn’t get that?” And you know it really wouldn’t be all that bad. It would be different – yes different for sure. But not bad because the Lord is with you guiding your next step. He gives us good things. If it never happens or not happening at this moment, look around and thank God for what has happened in your life so far. He has given us so much already. And unlike 25, I am so excited to be turning 27!” 🙌🏽

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